Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? ”
Millionaire: “I owe everything to my wife.”
Interviewer: “Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her? ”
Millionaire: “A Billionaire”
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Don't Step On A Duck!
Three young women in there thirties are on a road trip and are tearing down the freeway.
unfortunatley, they lose control, the car flips over the guard rail on to the opposite lanes and
gets smashed by an eighteen wheeler.
Up at the pearly gates, all three of them are greeted by St. Peter. He tells them. "All of you led
very good lives down on earth, so all of you will be asmitted into paradise. The only rule:
DON"T STEP ON THE DUCKS."
confused, they all ask "um...what?"
St. Peter says "if you step on one duck, it quacks. if a duck quacks, other ducks will start
quacking, and...well...you'll see."
With that, the gates opened and the three waltzed inside. And, sure enough, All of heaven is
covered with ducks. there is almost no room to walk with the millions of ducks.
a day of careful stepping later, the first woman steps on a duck. seconds later, every single
duck in heaven is quacking. it's so loud the women aren't suprised if earth could hear it. hours
later, when the quacking ceased, an angel appears with a very ugly man and chains him to the
lady and tells her this is her eternal punishment for the duck-stepping.
Not wanting the same fate, the other two women become very cautious for the next week, but
sure enough, the second lady steps on a duck.
she gets the same punishment as the first lady.
The third lady becomes so careful that, a year-and-a-half later, she is still duck-free. then, an
angel appears next to her with a very handsome man and chains him to her.
Thinking that this must be a reward for her good-doing she asks the man gleefully "What did I
do to deserve this?"
And the man replies with a grimace, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."
unfortunatley, they lose control, the car flips over the guard rail on to the opposite lanes and
gets smashed by an eighteen wheeler.
Up at the pearly gates, all three of them are greeted by St. Peter. He tells them. "All of you led
very good lives down on earth, so all of you will be asmitted into paradise. The only rule:
DON"T STEP ON THE DUCKS."
confused, they all ask "um...what?"
St. Peter says "if you step on one duck, it quacks. if a duck quacks, other ducks will start
quacking, and...well...you'll see."
With that, the gates opened and the three waltzed inside. And, sure enough, All of heaven is
covered with ducks. there is almost no room to walk with the millions of ducks.
a day of careful stepping later, the first woman steps on a duck. seconds later, every single
duck in heaven is quacking. it's so loud the women aren't suprised if earth could hear it. hours
later, when the quacking ceased, an angel appears with a very ugly man and chains him to the
lady and tells her this is her eternal punishment for the duck-stepping.
Not wanting the same fate, the other two women become very cautious for the next week, but
sure enough, the second lady steps on a duck.
she gets the same punishment as the first lady.
The third lady becomes so careful that, a year-and-a-half later, she is still duck-free. then, an
angel appears next to her with a very handsome man and chains him to her.
Thinking that this must be a reward for her good-doing she asks the man gleefully "What did I
do to deserve this?"
And the man replies with a grimace, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."
Name That Animal, Kids
A first-grade class is having a game of Name That Animal. The teacher held up a picture of a cat.
"What animal is this?" she asked.
"A cat!" said Eddie.
"Good job! Now, what is this animal?"
"A dog!" said Eddie.
"Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a Deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said,
"It's what your mom calls your dad."
"A horny bastard," called out Eddie.
"What animal is this?" she asked.
"A cat!" said Eddie.
"Good job! Now, what is this animal?"
"A dog!" said Eddie.
"Good! Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a Deer. The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said,
"It's what your mom calls your dad."
"A horny bastard," called out Eddie.
I'm The Boss
My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, "Your wife called. She wants her sign back!"
Stop being late to work
Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work.
His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.
So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went
to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours.
He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
"Boss", he said, " The pill actually worked!"
"That's all fine" said the boss, " But where were you yesterday?"
His boss was mad at him and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it.
So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went
to bed. Tom slept well and in fact beat the alarm in the morning by almost two hours.
He had a leisurely breakfast and drove cheerfully to work.
"Boss", he said, " The pill actually worked!"
"That's all fine" said the boss, " But where were you yesterday?"
The boss tells some jokes
The boss returned from lunch in a good mood and called the whole staff in to listen
to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously.
"What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?"
"I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving this Friday."
to a couple of jokes he had picked up. Everybody, but one girl laughed uproariously.
"What's the matter?" grumbled the boss. "Haven't you got a sense of humor?"
"I don't have to laugh," she replied. "I'm leaving this Friday."
Stress Reliever
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, “What other problem can there be greater than this one?”
New Seat Belt
An extensive testing has been done on a newly designed seat belt. Results show that accidents can be reduced by as much as 45% when the belt is properly installed. Correct installation is illustrated below.......
This is very Important and MAY SAVE A LIFE!
3 x 2 and 2 x 3
Little Johnny returns from school and says he got an 'F' in mathematic.
Father: Why?
Johnny: The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"
Father: But that's right!
Johnny: Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'
Father: What's the fucking difference?
Johnny: That's exactly what I said!
Father: Why?
Johnny: The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3?' and I said '6'"
Father: But that's right!
Johnny: Then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'
Father: What's the fucking difference?
Johnny: That's exactly what I said!
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